: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
