Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
