Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
