Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
