Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
