: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
