Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
