Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
