Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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