Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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