Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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