The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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