I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
