Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Too much gin, very little bucket
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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