I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
