okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
