VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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