there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
This gyro tastes like lonliness
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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