yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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