It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
