OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
