If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
