You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
