It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
