omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
