Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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