i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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