So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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