we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
