I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
