i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
