Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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