I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why are your pants in the freezer?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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