Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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