How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
