$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
