i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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