yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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