You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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