I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
