it hurts more in the daytime
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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