WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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