I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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