Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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