I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
