I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize