i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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