Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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