My brain says no but my pants say off.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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