They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
