Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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