Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
