The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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