I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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