I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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