she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
