Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
