So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
