Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
