Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
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I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
All the doctor said was why
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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