Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
this just has baby written all over it
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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