the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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