She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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