I just cut my nipple shaving
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
