I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
