mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
