Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
