For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
