I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
