i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
