my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
