So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
