idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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