Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm really busy with my period
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