Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
