there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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