last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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