My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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